Networking in 30 seconds or less!

Dave Sabon delivered an inspiring message earlier today as a keynote speaker in Mission Valley: In order to network effectively person to person you need to understand how your business takes away others' pain. After his address, I quickly found him and eagerly waited for my turn to speak with him. My original was:
Hi, I'm James with Onyx. I sell insurance to small business owners and contractors. I can typically save up to 20% on a year's coverage, and can provide high quality coverage. When I speak with clients, they do not usually realize how many options they have, and with our carriers, we can provide coverage to meet their needs in under an hour for some cases. Also, we have a customer service department that maintains relationships post-sale.

Dave guffawed...

"It's too wordy."
"Never bring up money"
"Say your title and be concise about your company"
"Every company provides coverage, how are you specifically alleviating pain?"
"Use words tethered to emotions, like 'fed-up' or 'nightmare' to describe those pains"
"Make sure you speak about your clients in past-tense as though you have already helped them achieve goals. And make sure you insert 'achieved their goals' in the speech."
"If they say, 'insurance? I already have that and I'm not interested.' you tell them, 'you may be right, and perhaps my company may not suit your needs, especially if you aren't concerned with making sure you have the correct options tailored to your needs, and more so if you don't think your current broker's customer service department is a nightmarish game of hide-and-seek. However, if you'd like to reconsider, we can get you options and have a customer service team ready to help you satisfy your company's exact needs.'"

So, with those tips, I developed a 30 second speech to help me succinctly express my company's aims:

Hi! I'm James with Onyx Insurance Services. I am a broker specializing in commercial accounts for contractors and small business owners. My clients were fed up with not knowing whether their insurance was meeting their needs and even more complained that customer service departments were nightmarish games of hide-and-seek. We helped those clients meet their goals and they have since gotten tailor-made coverage for the right price with our quick and easy quoting and efficient customer service.